Every visit has a story

You can often tell the frequency of my visits to the gym, with my frequency of fitness blogging. No blogging is a sure fire symptom of either a hectic schedule, or a lazy butt. I'm going to suggest that this time it has been a combination of the two. You can always pinpoint this connection to the fact that almost every time I go to the gym, I see or hear something to blog about. Whether it's the man who is straining so hard to lift the seriously over loaded weights that he placed on his bar, and he is grunting and turning blue, (why, why do they do this, wouldn't it be more impressive to avoid showing what it looks like when you are having a serious bowel movement?), or the young lady who finds it necessary to photograph herself with her cell phone camera in the mirror while she shows off her cute little workout outfit (I don't think she even worked out at all, and the joke is on her because I'm pretty sure that the poop man was in her frame as well)...

It's not for a lack of desire that I have been absent from the gym. I miss the thrill of running on the treadmill and manually switching the speed when I'm running. One time I mistakenly hit 35 miles an hour and i guess the safety feature wasn't on, because instead of the leisurely 3.5mph cooldown I wanted, i saw my life flash before my eyes as I started to careen backwards until I straddled the machine, out of breath and with a sinking suspicion that I might have wet myself.

I worked out 5 times last week, so here I am, beating the New Year's rush to the gym. It's like a deserted town these days. I only have a few weeks left of the peace and quiet. After New Year's the gym fills back up with all the people that have set a goal for themselves. I should have plenty more to post then, until about May when everyone forgets how much they wanted to be there.

I'm still here, and really, I can't say that I've been abandoning the dessert because it's Christmas and I feel the full weight of Holiday cheer when I step on the scale, though I'm hoping to keep the carnage to a minimum...

Apathy

I need some fitness mojo. Life has me running around in circles. Between work, family, and facebook I just can't find the energy to continue my good workout regimen. I still want to work out, but I can also always think of something I should be doing instead (I hate you, laundry).

I need a fitness buddy. I need someone to come with me, kick my butt, and share my endorphine rush. I need someone to call me every stinking day and ask me what I'm doing to work out.

Here are some things that I am telling myself to keep the workout drought carnage to a minimum.

I will not get the Holiday bloat this year.
I will not eat my own weight in chocolate.
I will not bake away the winter blues.
I will find a way to workout even if I have to do squats while folding underwear.

Someone help me...

Lunges and Cigarettes

As I was at the gym, and running (gasping for air) on the treadmill a few weeks ago I happened to glance out the window and I saw the most ridiculous sight. I saw a person who had just finished what appeared to be an intense workout (judging by the sweat dispersement) walk out the front door and reach into her gym bag and pop out a cigarette! She lit up for the world to see. Even if I supported smoking, I would feel the shame of the whole fitness world upon me as I puffed.

Is it just me, or does it seem counter intuitive to smoke after a workout? Isn't the whole point of working out to make yourself healthy? I do realize that smoking does have it's own appeal. I hear that it makes you lose weight, and that it's an appetite suppresant, however having lived with a smoker during my youth I cannot see how the advantages outweigh the ugly, stinky, mucous like dark side. Is it just like other's who go to extreme lengths to lose weight? The crazy pills, the extreme diets, the unneccessary weight loss surgery. Is smoking just another means to an end? I guess I'm just old fashioned... Well, maybe not.

Midnight Snacks

How is it that I can go through a whole day counting out my calories, making sure I work out, and feeling good about what I eat, but the second the sun goes down I turn into this kid...




When the kids are in bed, and I know that no one (besides my hubby who joins me in the snacks because he knows better than to argue with me) is watching, I give in to my diabolical sweet tooth and wind up with chocolate, pie, or frosting all over the front of my shirt because i've eaten it "cookie monster" style, and then feel guilty for messing up all the hard effort to be good that I put in throughout the day. It's a vicious cycle.

I know the technical reason for this. There is something during the day that I'm not getting in my diet. I know what I should do (and will do). I have to add more veggies and protein. They are supposed to take away carb cravings and make you feel fuller. I should probably grab some carrots instead of cookies, and munch on broccoli instead of brownies. Don't get me wrong, a little dessert has it's place but this is getting ridiculous. I wouldn't let my kids eat this way, so I shouldn't either. Does anyone else get the munchies after dark?

Yoga

(You will never see me personally smiling like this during a stretch, unless I'm limbering up to go on an ice cream run)

After my first yoga class in over a year, I came to a harsh realization last night and this morning. Actually, a few of them.

(1). I am not flexible at all. While everyone else was in "the zone" with their bodies and stretching, I was shaking my head and wondering why my toes looked so far away, and why couldn't I touch them). I thought about just trying to fake it, but really you can't fake flexible during yoga.

(2). I chose the wrong shirt for yoga. I spent most of transition between poses tugging at my top to keep the "respectability factor" in check. It was awkward. Thats all that needs to be said. I need to go shopping if I am going to keep this up.

(3). I still laugh to myself when I hear people fart. I am mentally 12.
I'm not ashamed, however, because I became aware that I was not the only one who noticed AND found it humorous(but no one makes eye contact in yoga, or after a fart in a quiet room, so that's okay).

(4). I have almost no core strength. I realized that I use my legs for every workout I do. My upper body is pathetic. This I must change if I want to have any chance at having that six pack.

(5). When I woke this morning, and my feet hit the floor, I heard cracking and popping, and realized that it was coming from me! My body now is making the transition to "old". I'm like a car right before the warranty goes out. You know that it still has plenty of miles left, but you might want to start thinking about trading it in.

I will go back to yoga next week. It was not only good to come to some of these realizations so I can make some changes, but it was also good that I could spend a few quiet moments challenging myself.

Frustration

Is there anything more frustrating for an athlete (I use that term to describe myself very loosely) when they want to work out, but are trying to rest an injury? For the past week or so, all I have been able to do is sit on my couch (with my bowl of Lucky Charms) and dream of getting up and working out. I have the motivation, but I also have a throbbing knee. I don't want to risk damage, or serious injury so I wait. I have found a few things to do to occupy my time, and take my mind off of the the sweat that is forming on my new double chin and not the sweat that I wish was flinging off of my brow.

1. Do the dishes. On a good workout week, i get the dishes in once or twice.My kitchen has sadly stayed clean.

2. Caught up on Judge Judy. P.S. She is still mean.

3. Folded Laundry. It has not been put away, but it's folded.

4. I have read 4 novels. I love to read, but come on. There is only so much bookworm inside of me.

5. I'm totally killing all my friends on "Words With Friends".


I would love to go the gym, but I know if I do, I will overwork and/or kill myself. it's just not cool.

I should get some results soon, and I hope to be back in action before the end of the week. In the meantime, I wonder what's on television...

Anyone else nursing an injury, and what do you do to kill the monotony of being a couch potato?

Class Workout Etiquette

I love fitness classes. Somebody else telling me what to do to get moving, so I don't have to motivate myself, and others watching me so I don't slack off. It's my "easy" and "go to" mode of finding fitness. As with all things though, there are obstacles that we have to overcome in order to have just the right fit for us. In order to help the fitness community, I would like to talk about my number one obstacle during fitness classes: other people.

Don't get me wrong. I know that without my fellow lungers, and jumpers, and dancers it would be just me, in a room, with a fitness instructor being yelled at for an hour. I have several women with whom I LOVE going to classes to see and sweat along side. Shout out to my Kati, Belinda, and Lisa, and Mom (yes, my mom works out with me, and it's awesome!). There are those other women though who might not know the silent fitness class code of conduct. Let's Discuss, shall we?

Wait, before i begin, let me say this.
No, I'm not the perfect workout idol. I'm sure when I really think I'm dancing up a storm, I look like a farm animal with an appendage caught in an electric fence, and when I stretch, I can't really stretch because I'm too worried about the person behind me looking at my rear end, so it ends up just me bending awkwardly and pulling at my pants every few seconds, but let's talk about you for a second.

1. Do not pop your gum in my ear for an hour. I don't care if you chew it quietly, just don't pop it at me. It's distracting.

2. If you must bring your phone into class, do not check it every five seconds. (also distracting). Whatever facebook notifications you have will still be there when we are done. You are a grown woman, not a teenage girl.

3. Rushing into the studio so that you can practically push someone out of a spot on the floor is not cool. I have seen mild mannered Kati go into "incredible hulk" mode after someone did this to her.

4. Confidence is good (unless it's not). I have been guilty of this, but you live and learn. If you know what you are doing, go for it, and be excited. If you think you know what you are doing, and your limbs are flying everywhere, someone could get hurt. Don't disfigure someone. It's not an audition for "So You Think You Can Dance".

5. A full face of makeup doesn't look the same coming out of class as it did coming in. That doesn't really affect me, but i thought you should know.

Okay, well I've layed out my case. I'm sure there are more, and believe me I'll post them when they come to me, but for now this is it.

Now go workout.

Roughage

I'm on a high veggie diet. I have increased my vegetable intake by about 40%. I feel better, I am pleased when I step on the scale, and my clothes fit. There is one drawback to this new healthy eating of mine. Gas.

We all know the silly names for it. Air biscuits, trouser cough, underthunder.. I mean, it's all juvenile. This is a sincere problem. Stop laughing. Go ahead, I'll wait. Okay. My poor husband has had to deal with the aftershocks of my colorful diet of delightful veggies. Although, sometimes I do enjoy just waiting for him to roll over and for the covers to inadvertantly fan a surprising aroma in his direction. He gags, and i laugh in a devious way that no one else has heard (except maybe my sister). Otherwise, I think he's ready to take up permanent residence on the couch.

With that said, I'm thinking of making another purchase...



So, how do you health nuts deal with the side affects of roughage? Am I the only one afflicted by this hilarious problem?

The Hillbilly Runner

I am contemplating a purchase. Usually, when a new fitness trend emerges, I take note of it and see if it catches on. Then I make the decision if I'm to buy it. I don't know how many of you have seen these, but I know people who swear by them.

Now, if you know me well, you know that if there's any chance of a possibility that I can duplicate the feel of running barefoot through the ozark mountains I will take it. I mean, come on. I am a hillbilly. I have most of my own teeth, but I have been barefoot on my front lawn with a baby on my hip on MANY occaisions.

But really? I mean, come on. Do these shoes say "you forgot the rest of your gorilla costume" or what? I don't need any more attention drawn to the supersized appendiges at the end of my cankles. I'm kidding. I DO NOT have cankles. I actually have man calves. It's the only part of me that when you look at them, will let you know that I am an athlete. But I digress...

Should I fork out the $90 and purchase these little slices of hillbilly heaven? Or is this a fitness trend that will fade into the night?

Vote in the comments section.

What's your workout persona?

When you go into the gym for the first time, do you spend a lot of energy wondering if people are looking at you? Do you dress in your most flattering workout clothes, or do you throw on ratty gym shorts and an old t-shirt? We all give off a persona, but some of us don't know it.

Having about 3 years of consistent gym membership under my belt, I've noticed a few types of workout personas. Do you have one and don't know about it? Let's look shall we?


Envy Me


If you look great, and you know it this is you. You wear sports bras, and probably short shorts. It's not your fault that you look good, but come on, throw your hair in a bun and a put on a chili stained sweat suit once in a while and give us all a break.


How You Doin'?


We all know why you are here. Give it a rest. Pull your shorts up, put your shirt on, and put away your "swagger".


Let's Get Physical


A normal person, actually working out, actually trying to get in shape. You might be breaking a cardinal rule, though. Let's hope you don't break too much of a sweat in those grey pants. Extra points for the coiffed hair.


Try Hard



You really love to work out, but perhaps a quick run through of the equipment with a knowledgeable professional would do you some good. I'm pretty sure your face isn't supposed to contort like that. We know you are really trying, especially with all the grunting that you are doing.


So, where do you fall? Did I miss a persona? Hit me up with a comment and let me know.

Run Baby, Run

Go for a run/ walk today. It doesn't have to be even for a mile. If you are by yourself, here's an interesting way to stay entertained. Download the soundtrack to Halloween, and then find a great running trail. As you run, imagine your town has been invaded by zombies/ Michael Myers and you are running to the next town to try to warn everyone and get help. Try it!


If you have to, grab a good friend and just go outside and run like toddlers. Run all out for about 30 seconds flailing your arms and legs with sweet abandon. My husband runs like this anyway, so that's what gave me this idea. If you haven't run in a while, it may take you a while to sustain the speed of a diabolical 2 year old, but I believe you can eventually do it.

Don't try to look like a regular athlete, don't try to look like you know what you are doing, just go outside and have fun. If there are more than one of you, go outside and play tag. It will not only be fun, but hilarious to watch each other. Laughter burns calories too. It's totally win/win. Remember how much fun running was when we were kids (or at least how much we don't remember that it sucked)? I think part of it is because we didn't care what we looked like. We did it as a social activity, we did it because we actually wanted to!

I expect comments and/or pictures of people trying my ideas! Pictures would be so much fun! I may post some if I can find somebody to play tag with me!

Help Us Out

My friend Beth and I are trying to devise a contest to help motivate us into staying fit while the summer rages on. It's so hard to remember the importance of fitness when there's so many other things that we could be doing. Leave me a comment with your ideas for what we can do during the contest, and to win. I may throw in a little prize for the one we pick. And if you join us, there may be a little somethin' there for you too.

Participate in the fun!

Be sure to vote in my poll! It makes me feel loved!

Dedication

I would like to dedicate my first blog post to my dear friend, Bret who thought I would be the perfect candidate to start a fitness blog. You can thank him (or blame him)for what you are reading.

Thanks, Bret (Bert)!